ぼく と ゴジラ

きのう　こうえんに　ゴジラと　あいました。　ゴジラは　いそがしくて、　人　と　ビル　を　たべました。
田中さん　を　たべて、　さけ　を　のみました。　きのう　の　ばん　ぼく　と　ゴジラは　からおけ　を　
しました。　からおけ の　バーは　にぎやかでした。　ゴジラは　かのじょに　でんわ　を　かけて、　
ゴジラは　でかけて、　ぼくは　りょう　の　へやに　かえりました。




　　

ぼく の へや

へやのなかに　ちゃいろいいすが　あります。　すくえも　ちゃいろいです。　

すくえのうえに　とけいが　あります。ぼくのベッドが　すくえのうえに　あります。

きんようびから　どようびまで　へやに　いませんでした。ぼくは　クシングで　べんきようしますた。

しゅうまつは よくありません。

What am I going to do? I'm mentally exhausted, trying to get this Discrete Math material to sink in. Freaking out, wondering how the hell I am going to
understand all of this material by Tuesday. I need to work on my psuedocode writing. I need to get a better grasp on induction. I don't understand trees at all.
I need to better understand how to write recursive definitions. I don't understand counting at all. There is so much that I still need to understand and so little time
to understand it all. On top of that, I have a physics test and a japanese test looming above me. I need to study vocab and double particles for the Japanese test
and I need to definitely work on my conversation skills. For physics, I need to go through chapter 9 because I do not understand rotation, torque, and so forth.

How will I accomplish all of these tasks on top of coming up with a plan to do analysis on the results of folding at home?
I'm not even happy right now. I just go day to day studying for that next test or trying to get the next homework assignment done.
There really isn't any living going on. I'm not really getting much enjoyment out of my classes.
I went into Japanese because I used to watch quite a bit of anime with english subtitles and I thought it would be cool to be able to watch the
anime without subtitles and that I would be getting the meaning that I was otherwise losing when reading subtitles because certain things
are just lost in translation. I also used to play a lot of Japanese role playing games. I thought it would be pretty cool to get to the point
where I could just play the games in Japanese so I could then import the games from Japan so I did not have to wait six months for the game
to be translated into English. Also, some games will probably never be released in the US, like a lot of games in the Super Robot Wars
series because of licensing problems, so the only way I would be able to play those games was if I learned Japanese. I also always thought
that the Japanese culture was pretty cool. Their fashion, their gadgets, their politeness, it all seemed so captivating to me.

Currently, though, I feel that I have lost that spark that made me so interested in Japanese. I no longer watch anime because my time is consumed
by my course work. I no longer play video games for the same reason. I really don't have any exposure to Japanese culture outside of Japanese
class and listening to Jpop occasionally on my mp3 player. Now, it just feels as though Japanese is just another assignment, another source of an overwhelming
degree of homework. In my computer science courses, the situation seems pretty much the same. I went into computer science because I had a passiion for computers. I often spent time experimenting with a variety of open source operating systems and open source software. I enjoyed understanding not only the userland level of things, but the underlying structure that allowed the operating system to function the way it did. I was so excited when I evolved from messing around with Ubutntu occasionally to
compiling a custom kernel from source in Gentoo. I also greatly enjoyed the programming side of things. I thought it was so amazing that one could create so many
powerful application from mere sequences of words. It was like the coder was a magician, his words instantiating a physical reality. I also enjoyed the mode of thinking
that was necessary to be a computer scientist. It seemed vastly different then the mode of thinking necessary for many arts and letter course. You must understand, not memorize. It was a focus on concepts, and not rote memorization. I had to constantly apply concepts to novel situations. It was as if I was constantly being placed in a dark room, but as I continued to navigate this room, shapes and forms became more familiar and move from simply stumbling though to knowing exactly where I am and where I need to be.

Presently, I have lost interest in both. Everyday, I am depressed. Everyday I work, without much of an idea of what I am working toward. Each class, while interesting in its own rite, together seems unenjoyable. In most cases, I have no clue what I am suppose to be getting out of a particular course, and there seems to be no time to learn everything. I have lost meaning and direction, both in my courses and in my own, personal life. I sacrifice so much to the god of academia, yet my offerings go unrewarded.
It is as if I had sold my soul to the devil in exchange for understanding, but gain no understanding and simply lose all happiness. What more am I to give?
What more am I to sacrifice? I am still within the dark room, yet my surroundings remain alien to me. I fear that this is how it will remain. I no longer have the time to mess around with Linux. I no longer have the time to do the things that brought me to wanting to be a computer scientist and learn Japanese and the courses I am taking, alone, do not rekindle the fires within me.

ひまな時 （free time)、なにをしますか？

ギーさんは、　ありがとう　ございます！　リカイチャンは　いいですね。

Now on to the topic. For free time, ぼくは　なにを　しますか？　

ぼくは　コンプタを　します。リンイクス (linux) の　じゅう ( article) を　よみます。　
いま　ごぜん　にじ　にじゅうさんぷんに　です。　I want to ねます　right now, but I need to
study for the にほんご　の　しょうテスト, which I have not been able to study for until now, because I've been trying to complete Problem Set 6 in Discrete Math in order to catch back up with the class. Discrete Math has consumed the majority of my weekend. I guess at least I understand the
Chinese Remainder Theorem now.... Another horrible day in the life of a Computer Scientist.

じゃあ、また。